I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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