I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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