I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
