This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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