Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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