The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
