I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
