Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
