I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
