How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
