Jerry, you need to find god
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
