Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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