I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She said her name was "party"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
