best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You pole danced in your parka.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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