Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
