I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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