so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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