how hairy? two words: wookie tits
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
