I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
