Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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