Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
