She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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