The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
