turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
