i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
