Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
