I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Randomize
