ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
