I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
