woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
pray to the hookup gods
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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