I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
