So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The struggles of a small town man whore
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
