Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
