i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
