new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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