tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
