I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
