so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
