ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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