About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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