kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
