she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
