We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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