so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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