Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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