I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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