The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
did you just send me my own nude
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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