Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
