do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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