Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
