If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
