Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
