im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
