She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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