Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
